Michelle felt sick to her stomach. It was like she being tossed by the waves, even though she was lying on her forest green couch which was very still. Closing her eyes she tried to fight against the waves, tried to deny what was causing them, but no matter how hard she tried the flashbacks rushed into her brain.
Why? Why now? It had been 4 years of Michelle successfully holding the pain in. She thought she was doing fine, and now out of the blue, it was like the band aid was ripped off her heart as it bled again. The past week it had felt like an octopus squeezing her and not letting go. Squeezing the pain out, whether she wanted it to come out or not. Like her Mom had always said, there is a point where the lid can’t stay on the pot any longer. A simmering pot will boil over!
Forcing herself up from the couch she decided to take a walk. Getting outside might help her be able to breathe again. She was sweating and needed some fresh air.
The cool wind hit her when she opened the door, it was blowing a little harder than she had thought, but that was fine. It was what she needed. She pulled her jacket a little tighter around her and walked out into the wind. Maybe it would pick her up and carry her away. Perhaps she could be like Dorothy and go flying into the air landing in some magical place where wishes could be granted by the great wizard! Though the wizard didn’t really turn out to be such a great wizard after all!
Michelle sighed and walked at a brisk pace. After walking for a little while she knew where she had to go. Her brain said No, but her heart knew she had to go and her feet listened to her heart. She started walking in the direction of the Golden Dawn Retirement Home.
Walking up to the front doors, her heart started hammering in her chest. Many times she had been here, but never had she come planning to spill her heart. She walked in through the doors.
“Hi Michelle!” Gayle, the receptionist welcomed her. “Your Momma told me you would be coming today.”
“I didn’t tell her I was coming.”
Gayle smiled, “It doesn’t matter honey whether you told her or not, Momma’s always know.”
Michelle gave a weak smile. Her Momma might know a lot, but she was sure that she didn’t know why Michelle was coming today. Michelle had perfected the art of keeping her pain and resentment inside.
Her Mom looked up from the puzzle that she was working on and spotted Michelle across the lobby, “Hi honey! I knew you would be here today! Come on over and help me with this puzzle.”
Michelle didn’t really feel in the mood to put a puzzle together, but she knew when her Mom was working on something she didn’t like to stop. She pulled up a chair and sat down at the table with her.
“Where is the box so I can see the whole picture?” Michelle asked.
“Oh you don’t need the lid, just work on the red pieces right now.”
Michelle stared at her Mom, how did she expect her to put a puzzle together when she didn’t even know what the picture was? Her Mom was passing some red pieces over to her and Michelle sighed, as she started trying to fit puzzle pieces together to see what they would form.
Her Mom didn’t talk much which was normal for when she was in deep concentration on a puzzle.
It didn’t take too long of steadily working until the puzzle was just about complete. Her Mom moved the final pieces over to Michelle to put in. With tears in her eyes Michelle put in the final letter. Her Mom rose up from her chair and walked over to Michelle, who was standing up now gazing upon the picture. They hugged, no words were needed, and the tumultuous waves in Michelle’s stomach had stopped churning. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she cried, letting go and letting peace flow through her heart like a river.