The Broken Heart

I really debated about posting this today, but it moved me so much that I had to. There is a voice that still needs heard from the aftermath of Florida’s Mass shooting tragedy.  That is the teacher’s voice.  I have several friends that are teachers and if its ever been a scary time to be a teacher, its now!

In Florida 2 teachers also died that horrible day, while trying to protect their students. You have heard that at other school shootings as well. These teachers dedicated their lives to teaching kids, to helping them to reach their full potential. I doubt that they ever dreamed that someday they would be giving their lives for their students!

The following is written from the heart of a teacher. She was just venting her feelings in a post and since then it has gone viral. You may have already seen it, but for those who didn’t and in honor of all the teachers out there I give you this. Words from a broken heart.

In 7th period, out of nowhere today, the fire alarms at my school went off. My students stood up as they always do when the alarm goes off for drills.

My brain immediately went into robot mode. I recalled the incident from yesterday like a mathematician calculating a problem on a whiteboard. Zero emotions. Zero fear.

“Wait,” I said, holding up my hand. The kids froze. “Let’s sit for now,” I said calmly. They sat, looking at me in terror.

“What if it’s like—!!!” One child cried out, but I turned, shook my head, and kept my hand held out.

“It’s not. Probably someone pulled the alarm. It’s okay. Let’s just wait.”

We waited. I kept eye contact with the teacher in the classroom across the hall from me. We both shook our heads.

Then I waited to hear gunshots.

Do you hear me?

I stood in front of your children and I waited to hear gunshots.

I didn’t want to put them in lockdown just yet. Calmness and control is the only defense I have against a room of panicked teenagers. I turned and I looked every single one of them in the eyes and I nodded my head reassuringly. You are my babies. I have you. I have you.

I kept glancing across at the teacher across from me. He shook his head. We stayed still.

Suddenly, I saw our guidance counselor in the hallway. She beckoned for us to come out. I stuck my head out and said “it’s safe?” She said “Yes, let’s go out.”

“Come on, guys,” I said. “It’s all right. We can go outside.”

They behaved wonderfully. They followed me out calmly, we evacuated, and then we stood outside for 30 minutes while fire trucks and police cars checked out our building. It was a faulty alarm. Everyone was safe.

I took my children back inside. We had a successful drill. Everyone was safe. I even made a point to update parents and community that we were all safe.

School dismissed.

The kids left, chatting excitedly how they missed half a class period.

I sat at my desk.

My little sister came in to say goodbye for the day and I lost it. Sobbing, snot coming out, face burning, nauseated.

I was waiting to hear gunshots. I was waiting to hide my kids. I was waiting for the shots.

I’m home and I’m angry.

I stood in front of your kids and waited to die for them.


(Shared with permission from Stephanie Kuzy Jenkins , image via JGI/Jamie Grill/Getty)

The Cries

I have tried to write a post several times in my head today.  A post about something totally different from the posts of the past 2 days. but my heart just hasn’t been there. I just hate the gun crisis that America is in right now and I wonder how long it will take until it gets better!!

I am reading different posts from  people around the world. That is one thing I love about WordPress, how you can get to know people from all over.  There is one thing I read over and over again.  What is America thinking?!  Why do they keep killing each other and still no changes in gun laws?

I speak for myself and a lot of other Americans when I say that I wish I knew what America was thinking, that I wish I knew why there hasn’t been changes made in gun regulations. Well I may have some ideas, and one has to do with the way money talks very loudly!  Its really shameful to admit that though when we have people dying!

I got caught up in a Facebook debate about gun regulations and it blew my mind at some of the comments.  One specific one is what I have the most problems with.   A man said how his guns are his “toys”.  That some people have luxurious boats and cars, well AR-15’s and AK’s,  automatic rifles are his “toys”.  No one asks people to get rid of their boats and cars so why should he get rid of his high powered automatics!

I really couldn’t even respond to his comment for I just don’t get it.  I am not talking about regular guns here.  I am talking about the type of guns that the shooters involved in these mass shootings have used!  They use them because in only a few minutes you can shoot off rounds of ammunition without having to reload.  These can be bought legally, please someone tell me WHY!!!

Tell me why you can’t drink alcohol until you are 21. but at 18 you can buy a high powered rifle?  Why you have to go through hours and hours and months of driving on the road with a driving permit before you can apply for a license and you have to study for a test and take a test before you get your driving permit.  Why is all that required?   It is because you will be getting behind the wheel of a high powered machine that can be very deadly.

Yet at the age of 18 one can walk into a store and purchase a highly powered automatic rifle and go home with it, all in the same day!  Why?  Because its his “right” to be able too!

This same guy can go into a school and blow away innocent children and teachers, snuffing out their lives in minutes.

“It’s my right” is a cry that echoes across America!  “It’s my right to have my “toys” cries the man with the automatic rifles.

What about the child cowering under the desk listening to the screams of their classmates.  The child watching in horror as he sees his teacher fall to the floor when he was trying to close the door.  The children running through hallways flowing with the blood of their peers,  praying they will make it outside into the safety of their parents arms.

What about my dear child who tries to speak confidently, and reassures their sister.  Says how considering that their school is so big it is unlikely that they would be the ones to get shot at, if someday the unthinkable would happen at their school. The simple fact that my child has to have those thoughts go through their head turns my stomach.

“Its my right!” is a cry that echoes across America.  Echoing so loudly that it overpowers the cries of the innocent children wondering when their rights will be heard. Their right to be able to go to school without fear!