Another Night …

Another night, another trick, she walks with her head hung low. She wants to get out of this nightmare, but where can she safely go?

Many nights she just goes through the motions, with a heart void of emotions. She has become numb so that she can survive, she tries not to feel and not to think about who she has become.

The brave mask she keeps wearing, has been  worn so many times, it hides the frightened, crying girl inside.

Perhaps the mask she wears now is one that to her has become real. She simply forgets how being real feels.

Why is she involved in the sex trade? The reasons can be many,  but is a reason needed before one shows a heart that cares?

 

These thoughts were brought on by reading an update about a organization that is dear to my heart. Its called, “She’s Somebody’s Daughter”, and its about rescuing woman from the sex trade.  The newsletter said about how they often get told by some people that if the ones involved in the sex trade  really wanted to leave they would just leave. That they have a choice. How do you have a choice when you are a child? How do you have a choice, if you haven’t known anything different due to the kind of life you had growing up?  How do you have a choice if you have no money and nowhere to go?  How do you have a choice when your self-esteem has been beaten so low, that all your courage is gone?

We may not always understand their story, but what keeps hitting me is the thought of why do we think we need to understand before we can care. Everyone needs compassion, and compassion should be freely given! Its not something that should only be shown if you understand every detail of how the person got in the situation that they are in.

We all have unspoken stories in our hearts and sometimes its through the simple act of compassion and listening that the mask can begin to fall, freeing the story inside of us.

 

 

11 thoughts on “Another Night …

  1. Very good post. Very few (if any) young girls/woman think of the sex trade as an appropriate career choice. So often they are simply exploited when they are most vulnerable, and find themselves trapped. Anybody who thinks that it is a simple matter of leaving, does not understand the culture of the sex trade and should really research it if they really are interested. Below is my poem “Tina” which is included in my book “Just Thinking” and looks at just one scenario that can lead into the sex trade.

    My name is Tina.
    I live on the street,
    And sell beautiful deep red roses.
    Necessary in order for me to eat.
    ***
    Red roses are a symbol of love.
    But no one has ever bought one for me.
    I dream of somebody who cares.
    That person… will I ever see?
    ***
    But let me take you back a while.
    I used to have a home.
    I had a Mom and I had a Dad,
    But I also felt so alone.
    ***
    The rules in our house were very strict,
    And, as a teen, I didn’t understand.
    I‘d challenge my Dad quite regularly.
    His reply? Usually the back of his hand!
    ***
    He was okay with my brother.
    He could do no wrong,
    But I only had to look at him,
    And I‘d get such a song.
    ***
    Then one day, Dad’s friend stayed over.
    I didn’t understand why,
    But he touched me where he shouldn’t.
    I felt scared and, for a while, I cried.
    ***
    I told my Mom and Dad,
    But… me they didn’t believe!
    This man was a very dear friend.
    They asked me what I was trying to achieve?
    ***
    Why would I lie about their friend?
    What was I hoping to gain?
    Why was I always causing trouble?
    Their response was always the same.
    ***
    Eventually my Dad said “Out!
    You can’t live here anymore!
    You’re old enough now, so pack your things.
    I want you through that door.”
    ***
    I went to stay with a friend
    In her basement, but that was all in vain.
    Her parents eventually found out
    And… I was out on my own again.
    ***
    I spent one night in an apartment stairwell.
    It was okay… but I couldn’t sleep.
    Then the superintendent found me!
    Said “Leave, or I’ll call the police!”
    ***
    I was out on the street,
    When I met a man… Neal.
    He said he’d take care of me.
    Bought me a coffee and a real meal!
    ***
    I spent the night at his place.
    It was warm and dry. I slept.
    When I woke up, it was quite late.
    I found a note from him, which I kept.
    ***
    It said I could stay there forever,
    If that’s what I wanted to do.
    I would have to work to help with the bills,
    And do a few other things too.
    ***
    It said that he really liked me,
    And was so happy that I was there.
    At last… someone who wanted me around.
    At last… someone who cared.
    ***
    I cleaned his apartment.
    It was the least I could do.
    He had given me a home,
    And I really liked him too.
    ***
    That evening, he said I would have to work.
    He took me downtown to a place
    Where he said the money was really good.
    He showed me what he called ‘my space’.
    ***
    It took me a moment to understand,
    What he was expecting from me.
    To satisfy the sexual desires of men!
    Is that what my life was to be?
    ***
    Neal understood, and he took me back home.
    Made me a nice cup of tea.
    He gave me some pills and I felt so much better.
    Perhaps just once… for him. How bad could it be?
    ***
    I earned good money, and he took it all
    Which came as a bit of a surprise.
    It was more than I thought he needed,
    But then… he had such a warm smile.
    ***
    He apparently had money problems,
    And I could help. I was tough.
    So I went back out on the street,
    And sold myself… but it was never enough.
    ***
    He always wanted more.
    He was never satisfied.
    No matter how much money I earned,
    It was… as if I never tried.
    ***
    But I did try so hard for Neal.
    To be who he wanted me to be,
    But I started to wonder about his intentions.
    I could never do enough, you see.
    ***
    This went on for months.
    Selling my body and soul.
    I coped with needles and various pills,
    But my life was just one big hole.
    ***
    I knew this was not for me.
    I had to escape… but how?
    I could run away while Neal was out.
    I could run away right now!
    ***
    A friend of his stopped me just down the street,
    And asked me where I was going.
    I said I was going to live someplace else,
    He said “You’re not. There’s just too much owing”
    ***
    He dragged me back to Neal’s place,
    And beat me up on the bed.
    He bruised my arms, and bloodied my face,
    Said “Try that again and you’re dead”
    ***
    “Neal owes lots of money,
    And very high are the stakes.
    Those people don’t play silly games.
    If he defaults, he’ll be found in the lake!”
    ***
    What do I do? I thought he loved me,
    But clearly that wasn’t so.
    I was just a possession which earned him money,
    And for which I had nothing to show.
    ***
    I had to leave as soon as I could.
    I could not live like this.
    I was going to leave… right then,
    And once again hit the streets.
    ***
    Perhaps I could find a shelter?
    A place which was friendly and warm.
    Perhaps they would want to help me
    And keep me safe? Keep me from harm?
    ***
    My name is Tina.
    I live on the streets you see.
    Selling beautiful deep red roses.
    Will you buy one… please… just for me?

    “Just Thinking” is available from all the usual on-line retailers as well as direct from the Friesen Press Bookstore, and is available in eBook, paperback and hard cover formats.

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