Why Do We Judge?

The question should not be whether we believe her or not. The question instead should be why do we feel the need to judge her?

There has been a news story recently that has caused a lot of stir. There is a man who is very close to becoming a Supreme Court judge. There is one thing though that now  has come to light.  A lady has stepped forward saying that this nominee for the Supreme Court sexually assaulted her many years ago.

It has been the topic on all kinds of social media and the one thing that gets said over and over again is “Why did she wait so long to come forward?”  Which is followed by this popular answer, “Well obviously she is lying if she waited this long to say anything.”

This answer has so many problems with it and it brings me back to my first question, “Why do we feel the need to judge her?” And this isn’t just about her, its about every female that has dared to step forward admitting  to being sexually assaulted.

We wonder why more young girls and women don’t step forward, the answer is simple. Who wants to risk getting raked over the coals again and suffer shame and humiliation,  after already going through a traumatic experience!

I think of the women who are reading the discussions on social media about this case, and listening to the news reports about this woman stepping forward. The women who are reading and thinking to themselves, “me too”, “that happened to me”. The women who are silently cringing inside as they read all the negative publicity that this woman is dealing with now.  Do we really have to wonder why more people don’t come forward?

Why are we so quick to judge? So quick to throw that stone. Why are we so quick to say, “well if it would have been me… I would have….”  Really? You know exactly what you would have done if the same thing had happened to you?  We can say all we want about  what we would have done, but until you are in that situation you really don’t know. People respond to traumatic situations in so many different ways!

Where is our compassion instead of our judging heart? That can be said in a lot of other situations as well, not just sexual assault cases.

Why is it that we are so quick to decide what someone’s whole story is when a lot of times we only know half the story?

Can you imagine how much better this world would be if we were as quick to show compassion as we are to judge? As quick to give a helping hand as we are to tear someone down.

I think these 2 quotes sum things up pretty well.

 

 

 

 

32 thoughts on “Why Do We Judge?

  1. I have been appalled as I watch this unfold. No, let’s not judge. Monday morning quarterbacking doesn’t work for sexual abuse. I know a woman who was date raped by someone she knew well and trusted. She didn’t go the authorities (It was on a college campus) for exactly this reason. The shame, embarrassment and everyone saying what they would have done. This is a very personal assault and unless you have experienced it, you don’t get to say anything (I’m pointing at you, you old white men on the Senate Judiciary committee!). Let the professionals investigate. Then let’s talk about the next step. Stop with the death threats on both sides. What’s wrong with people? Your first response is to send a death threat?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It’s disturbing the respond that people are having. Being a victim of rape or sexual assault is as to stated a traumatic experience. It’s quit possible that the though of him becoming a senator awakened the panic and trauma from before knowing the impact he’d have on laws and society. Such an even would be terrifying for an victim watch their assailant rise to power.

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  3. JR there is only one TV channel that I know of criticizing the woman, and that is FOX news. Unfortunately they are trying to protect Trump, and what they view as being conservative. This is called tribalism, and happens a lot now, that attitude we “must win” at all costs. That is a very Trumpian idea.
    Progressives do this so also but I think it is more like a disease on the far right.
    Attacking the woman is so that Kavanaugh and the far right can have “their guy” win.
    Then too I believe women are not as respected as men are in this country, which is more than just sad. It is horribly wrong.
    Those are my thoughts anyway.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I was sexually assaulted when I was 16, and never told anyone about it until I was 53. He was a friend of my stepfather, and I assumed I wouldn’t be believed. A safe assumption, since my stepfather had sexually assaulted my sisters. I can understand keeping quiet about it. It’s embarrassing and it seems it would do no good to bring it up. On the other hand, if I knew the guy who attempted to rape me had been nominated to the Supreme Court, I think I would come out with it, also, just like Kavanaugh’s accuser.

    As to the memory issue, it’s impossible to remember most of the details, since it happened so long ago. But the general memory is very vivid. And the perpetrator is especially vivid. I know who it was and what he tried to do. So when this lady testifies, I hope she’s not grilled about the details. I hope they will listen to her story, try to find as much corroboration as they can, and if they’re not sure they can believe her, then at least let her leave without calling her a liar.

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  5. I used to be one of those unkind people who judged others by my standards! Ah, the arrogance of youth in my case. I’m so glad I found a better,kinder way to live by embracing compassion,tolerance and understanding. Thank you for this reminder. Well said.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are welcome, thank you for reading !
      If only everyone could learn how to live in a kinder way like you did. Thanks for sharing and encouraging others to embrace compassion and understanding.

      Like

  6. A really good point. Unfortunately in some situations, with many people these values of love, understanding, acceptance, are met with hostility, sexism, disbelief, discrimination, and a belief that others aren’t telling the truth if they don’t talk about their trauma right away. If people thought about what it was like for the person to experience trauma in the first place, they wouldn’t question these things. All around those who don’t believe these women in this situation, or alter boys (now men) who were abused in church or little boys playing sports now men, or actresses or any women starting a career facing sexual trauma — it would be much easier and a much better world. I have also learned unfirtunantyly, through this case and others, people cannot always see outside themselves, and their wants, needs, and success, and that is a very sad thing. Thanks for sharing about this vital issue. Let’s hope this discrimination improves in the future.

    Liked by 1 person

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