If you missed Part 1, here is a link to the post. Messages of Love
All it had taken was a single phone call to change Madeline’s life forever. Her husband had been on the other end of the phone when she answered it. Madeline was trying to make out what he was saying. His voice sounded so strange. ” A terrible accident….Connor….critical!” She dropped the phone and ran out the door, she didn’t need to hear anymore. Madeline felt like she had swallowed an apple whole; it was lodged in her throat. She couldn’t talk and could barely breathe, as she sped to the hospital.
My baby boy NOT my baby boy!! OH LORD PLEASE! He has to live!! Traffic move faster! The thoughts were screaming in her head!
Bursting through the Emergency Room doors she fell into her husband’s arms who was standing there waiting for her. They embraced in the kind of hug where they felt like they were hanging on for dear life. It was like they were standing in an airplane being forced to jump without a parachute.
“I’m so sorry, so very sorry!” Drew kept repeating the words, but they weren’t registering in her brain. A fog had enveloped her. She didn’t know how she was walking with legs that felt like lead. Drew led her down the hall to the Critical Care Unit where Connor was. Bile started raising in her throat and she felt faint.
She began to sway, but Drew had caught her and held her steady. She looked at the little boy laying in bed with tubes coming out of everywhere. Oh Connor, is that you? Is that really you underneath all those tubes and laying there all black and blue. Your beautiful black curls are matted with bright red blood. Open your eyes my precious son, Please this is Mommy! Connor open your eyes and smile at me one more time.
I want to place you lovingly on the couch in our living room, cover you up with your favorite blanket. The one with horses on it running free. I want to make all your favorite food and let you have dessert first. I will watch your favorite movie with you a hundred times over until you are well again. I will read your favorite books to you and keep reading no matter how tired my voice may get. Together we will pull through this awful nightmare. But you need to hang on my son, you have to wake up! Do you hear me? Connor! Wake up!! This is your MOMMY, I Need You!!
I heard my husband’s quiet sobs as he held me, but I couldn’t focus on him. All my attention was drawn to the still form lying on the bed. The person who I was told was my son. How? How could this be my son? This has to be a horrible mistake! He isn’t running or talking a mile a minute. He isn’t laughing or cracking a joke. Oh how could this be!
The Dr entered the room silently, his face said it all. There was no need for words. That was when she fell apart, when sobs engulfed her and everything went black.
Beep! Beep! Madeline was jolted out of her memories when the cab driver blew his horn. She grabbed her suitcase and headed out the door with tears fresh upon her cheeks. As the cab driver headed towards the beach, Madeline stared out the window letting her tears fall. She thought of her husband’s strong arms and how they had supported her at the hospital. How they held her when she could no longer stand. She longed to feel the security in them once more. Missing him just added more holes to her broken heart.
When she arrived at the beach she only was in her condo long enough to put her suitcase down. She needed to see the ocean and hear the roar of the waves.
She walked down to the water’s edge taking deep breaths in of the salty air. The waves crashed against the shore. She had walked along the beach and now was just standing and watching the billowing waves. Time had passed and storm clouds were brewing in the sky. The sky was growing darker and the waves were growing bigger. Madeline stood there watching them. Knowing she should head back to her condo, but feeling mesmerized and unable to move.
Another wave came and she felt the spray from being too close. What would happen if she stayed? Would the waves sweep her under and away? Would this overbearing load of pain that she carried finally be set free? Should she stay? She had no words, but she felt like the waves were speaking to her. What were they trying to say?
She jumped as a loud crack rumbled through the sky and another large wave rolled in. Turning to run back to the condo she spotted something laying in the sand, half buried. What was it? A bottle filled with lots of purple hearts! Who would have taken the time to cut so many hearts out of purple paper and why put them into a bottle? She grabbed it as the rain began to pelt down with earnest and she quickly ran back to her condo.
After a hot shower and some cold pizza she stretched her weary body out onto the couch. Her gaze landed on the bottle again that she had set on her desk. Seeing the purple hearts made her think of Connor. If she could only hear the sound of his laughter once again! Was the bottle some sort of sign? She smiled at that thought. She could hear her dear friend now. “ Madeline, you are always thinking something is a sign!” Well, one never knows, thought Madeline. For now the bottle was going to stay on her desk.
Drew pulled out another frozen TV dinner to put in the microwave. They definitely were far from being the tastiest kind of food that he could have, but these days he didn’t care about taste. It all tasted bland to him. He wasn’t hungry, he forced himself to eat. What was he doing here? Why didn’t he tell his boss that he couldn’t go away right now. That he couldn’t leave Madeline at this horrible time. Flying halfway across the country, what was he thinking?
He had run from her when she needed him the most! That was the awful truth. He could have stood up to his boss and asked him to send someone else, but the fact was that Drew was looking for an excuse to get away. To escape the painful memories!
He couldn’t handle seeing the anguish in Madeline’s face, the deep sadness in her lovely blue eyes. They had lost their sparkle! Most of all he missed her laugh, her laugh was like the sound of bells. It had always made him smile. Madeline loved to laugh. Her gift of laughter though now was muffled, muffled ever since the day that Connor had died.
It was all his fault! He tried to fight the guilt but sometimes the weight was too heavy to fight off. How could Drew be around Madeline? Why would she even want him around. He felt like he was the reason that her eyes had lost her shine and that the bells of her laughter no longer chimed.
He had been the one driving the car that fateful day. The other car had come out of nowhere broadsiding them on the passenger side. One minute Connor had been singing his heart out and bobbing his head to the music, the next minute his song was silenced forever. No, Drew wasn’t to blame, the other car had ran a red light. There was nothing Drew could have done and Madeline had assured him so many times that it wasn’t his fault, but….. He should have waited to go to the store. If he would have waited for Madeline to get home, it never would have happened. If only….! The thoughts battered his brain with a persistence that wouldn’t let go.
Drew looked at the glass in his hand, and threw it as hard as he could across the room! The glass hit the lamp and shattered in pieces scattering all over the floor. He looked at the broken glass feeling like they were the pieces of his heart. Would his heart ever be mended, would the shattered pieces ever be put back together? He put his head in his hands and his body shook , as sobs overtook him.