Why we dig holes!

I have experienced 2 incidents recently that once again caused me to have bewilderment. Bewildered by what people do and the ways  they  justify their actions.

Justifying our behavior starts when we are toddlers. Toddlers will bite, hit, push and scream and will  give you what they think is a perfectly good reason as to why they did it. Someone had the toy they wanted, someone was sitting in the chair that they wanted to sit in. The list goes on and on.

These clearly  aren’t reasons that justify bad behavior, but in their  minds they think so.  Unfortunately in this world we have adult sized toddlers running around using toddler logic to justify their behavior. It doesn’t help when these adult sized toddlers hold leadership positions of where they are supposed to be role models!

Why do we justify our bad behavior instead of accepting responsibility for our actions? Where is the logic behind our reasoning? Is there any? As we get older the situations that upset us change. They change, but at the same time can have a similarity to what we dealt with as children.

“That person wasn’t nice, they cut me off in traffic. I am going to ride their bumper now, I’ll show them!”  ( “Johnny butted in front of me in line, so yes I pushed him down!”)

“I was the one that was supposed to get the promotion. They had no right to give it to him! He is going to wish he had turned down that promotion!” (“He is sitting in my chair! The red chair that belongs to me, not this blue one! Next time you sit in my chair I will bite you twice!”)

“It is all about my desires. I have to do whatever it takes to fulfill them, no matter what!”  ( “It is all about me and what I want!”, says the toddler screaming on the floor)

Do we really believe that all these reasons justify our actions? Do we really believe that we are innocent of any wrongdoing, or do we know that we are lying to ourselves?  Have we lied to ourselves so often to ease our guilty conscience that we now believe the lies?

That when we are held responsible for our actions we now feel like we are being framed. We feel that whoever got us into trouble is out to get us. We make up reasons as to why they may not like us.We toss and turn in bed worrying about the trouble that we are now in, unable to see what led us to this point.

Have we dug ourselves so many holes that we now are falling into them? Falling into them,  and finding that they are too deep to jump out of.

In the 2 incidents that are fresh in my mind, there really is no way to justify the actions of the  2 different individuals.  No matter how you look at it, there is no reasonable rationale, but try telling them that.

Are there logical answers to any of these questions? What do you think?

 

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20 thoughts on “Why we dig holes!

  1. I have no logical answers to your questions. To help me understand the behaviour of others, I try to take nothing personally and hope that others take nothing I do personally either. I believe we do not intentionally go out of our way to cut each other up in traffic or cause each other pain and discomfort. Its necessary for my peace of mind to accept myself and others make mistakes in the school of life and thats ok because we are learning everyday.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for visiting my blog and for your comments.
      I do agree with you that there are times we unintentionally hurt others and make mistakes. I have been there. And yes they can be learning experiences.

      The 2 incidents though that I am referring to were not unintentional and they were more serious then the examples I gave. These are the situations that baffle me. The ones where we know very well what we are doing but we do it anyway.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. There is a term used in psychology – “criminal mind”. It does not necessarily mean the mind of criminals, but rather the way a typical criminal thinks. They accept no responsibility for their actions simply because nothing is ever their fault. A bank robber is not in jail because he robbed a bank, but rather because somebody turned him in, or the police were lucky etc.etc. This is not a calculated response on their part, but rather just the way their mind works. Another scenario relative to your Post is simple pride related (the ego must be defended at any cost). Then there is total ignorance (I will do what I want to do regardless of how you feel about it).
    Where we have to be careful is not to criticize the perceived delinquent because we will invariably not have sufficient information to do so, and to react to an individual without knowing the background would put us in rather a similar situation to them! 🙂

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  3. When anyone in a position f leadership has to ‘justify’ their boorish behavior, you know they really aren’t the leader you may have thought they were initially. We don’t (generally) tolerate that in children, I’m not sure why we do with so-called adults. 🙂

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  4. When I read this JR, it seems to me it comes down to taking responsibility for your actions or inactions and accepting that the world and life, is not all about what any one person wants or desires. Sometimes we get it, sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we get to the red chair before Johnny, but other times Johnny gets there first. We cannot always ‘own’ or perceive we’re entitled just because we want it. Rather I would say we look to Christ in the Bible who said “Love the lord with all your heart, with all your soul, and all your mind and love your neighbour as yourself. This commandment requires us to be good neighbors to help each other, not harm for our own selfishness. Is it always possible? But we try and hope others do too 🙂

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  5. One of the best things I realised is accepting responsibility for my own action is a sign of maturity. And it actually feels good to say, “you know what, It was my fault, I dug this hole”. In my experience, saying this helps me to get the resolve to actually get out of the hole myself. Rather than wait for someone else to come around and do it

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