Dropping the mask…Freeing the heart!
Dropping the mask…Freeing the heart!
Hello my friends! Yes, it is late afternoon, not my typical time for posting. Than again 2am in the morning is not my typical time either, like I did on Wednesday. I wanted to post something happy today, since Wednesday morning was pretty heavy; I do really appreciate all the comments that were left and emailed and texted to me about my post. Sharing hardships is something not easy for me to do, but my heart was warmed ❤ Ok, now onto a smile from the past. Something that will bring a chuckle and you needn’t have been a follower for long with my blog to know that laughter is very important to me 🙂 so ENJOY!
I work at a daycare taking care of 2 year olds and as we were doing circle time and singing children’s songs a memory flashed in my mind. Music is good at bringing memories back, isn’t it! We sang a popular children’s song and I remembered the time that I was so flustered I actually forgot the words to this song.
It was a bright sunny summer’s day and my boyfriend ( husband to become) 🙂 was visiting me.. I took him up for the day to the summer camp I had worked at. I loved it up there in the peaceful mountains, with a beautiful lake. You feel like you are totally separated from the world and there is serenity. Well we came close to lunch time for there was always good food at camp! A routine at camp after lunch is mail call, who doesn’t love getting mail when you are at camp. There was a rule tho, if you got mail, you had to sing a song. Now with the campers, they could sing all together, didn’t want to embarrass them too bad. They even could sing with staff. BUT when staff got mail sometimes the rules changed, and that staff member had to grace everyone with a solo.
Well wouldn’t you know that the last letter to be handed out SOMEHOW had my name on it. Now I was presently not a staff member, but apparently that didn’t change the rules as the director smiled and called me up front. I was extremely curious as to who would send a letter to camp for me when I wasn’t working there, and to no avail tried to grab it out of his hand. Song first. He picked the song, a easy children’s song, I thought, OK I can do this, no sweat. Problem was my boyfriend was sitting as close up front as he could get grinning away. Meanwhile I was shooting daggers at my friends who were staff members being sure that they were behind this all. I made it halfway through the song and YUP forgot the words!! YES, I was RED as the director kindly said the words for me. I had sung this song million of times as a child, but yeah that is what happens when put on the spot and when you are young and in love!
I finished the song and grabbed the letter, NO STAMP!. I knew the staff were behind it! There was one sheet of paper inside and the words made me blush even more. “I just wanted to hear you sing.” and my boyfriend had signed it!!!!!!! I grabbed a pitcher of water from off the table as the Director shooed us out the door, for he didn’t want the campers to get any ideas. OOPS 🙂 Chased him into the woods and yeah I remember running was a lot easier back then! Today I don’t run unless being chased, LOL!
That camp still holds a special place in my heart! It still brings me peace when I need it as I walk in the woods and visit the deer pen and as I sit by the shimmering lake. When I think of Cove Valley Camp I have to smile!
My throat is tight, I feel I am choking on air as my heart beats so fast! The windshield wipers go on in my car so I can see through the blur; but realize that its not the blur of a rain storm. Wipers won’t do anything to stop the shower of tears cascading down my face. My thoughts keep screaming at me to WAKE UP! STOP THIS NIGHTMARE!! But my eyes are open, I am not dreaming! My hand is wet as I wipe my face. The realization that I am awake doesn’t stop the screams. Doesn’t stop the wishing to be able to turn back time, to go back to yesterday when things were simpler. To be able to know what I know now and stop the avalanche that was slowly building up in size and now falling down the mountain with great intensity!
Being back at home doesn’t stop the pain, I feel the 4 walls closing in. I can’t escape the IF ONLY’s! If only I would have known and I could have stopped it, yes if I would have known then this wouldn’t have leaded to this which wouldn’t have leaded to this and the list goes on. The useless list! For I didn’t know and so I didn’t stop it and now all the wishing in the world won’t fix things. Have you ever tried to wipe up spilled milk by putting it back in the glass? Does it work? Of course not, its spilled, its done and all you can do is be there to help clean up the mess that the spill has made.
I lay prostrate on the floor sobbing til I feel that there are no tears left, wondering how my body can keep making tears. It seems like there needs to be a limit, that eventually they will run dry.
So far they have not run dry and I feel like I have filled buckets. I want to say this is the beginning to a novel. Did it grab your attention? But I been gently encouraged over time to share my “novel” to be honest with you all and drop my mask. Interesting enough I had another post ready for today, but late this evening my heart was feeling nudged. Went to bed and as you see the nudging awoke me. I was awake, for I am more of a night owl anyway, so up I got and here is the result. You know how it is as a writer, when something is on your heart, you gotta write.
The description above is describing exact emotions that I have been through. In a way it is a novel, a novel that I never thought would be written. A novel that I am learning day by day to walk through and keep my heart beating. I am able to keep my heart beating with the help of wonderful family and dear, dear friends! I was encouraged to broaden my circle. To let you all know that as I share gold nuggets to help you all get through each day, that the search for gold nuggets helps me also. Helps me keep breathing and smiling and even laughing. Laughter has grown even more important to me as this “novel ” takes place. It is like a refreshing well and I drink it and feel revived.
Why do I need the well ? What exactly is driving me to the display of emotions that grabbed your attention as this post began? That my friends is where it is hard, how much do I share, how vulnerable do I make myself? A question I still ask even as I write.
The glaring statistics shout out at me from the page, I look different places and see the same thing. I want it to be wrong, but its not; it is one of those very sad facts of life! A fact that I have often found discouraging, but it never really grabbed my heart in fear. As with other statistics I felt it would always just be something I read on a page. 1 out of every 5 girls is sexually assaulted.The number for boys is only a little higher. NO, I am NOT talking about myself, but the horrible statistic has hit close to home. It has taken me on a road I never thought I would be on. And that my friends is dropping the mask, yeah there is more details i could share, but I don’t feel that I need to. Maybe at a later date when the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel is more imminent. . For I know the light will come !! Until that time the tears will keep falling from time to time , the questions come as the ache in the heart pounds, but also the smiles and laughter will keep coming! My loved ones and I will keep walking day by day and sometimes moment by moment. I thank you all for the part you play in this journey. For giving me a reason to blog and to enjoy your posts. I see this blogging site as a part of my day that guarantees sunshine 🙂 Thankful also for the readers who just read, because you may not be a blogger doesn’t mean I am not grateful for you taking the time to read my posts! I appreciate you all and I hope that this post didn’t dampen your spirits. No its not a HAPPY post, but its not a end of fighting, giving up post either. FAR FROM IT! We may not be able to choose the battles we face in this world, but we can choose how we handle them! May this encourage you in whatever battle you may be facing to keep fighting and keep looking for that light. It can shine through the darkness at times you don’t expect! Light is much more powerful than darkness, it can break through!
And as you fight here are 3 songs that I have grown very fond of and want to pass them on to you. May they give you strength! There are more, but don’t want to overload you.
PS. I am definitely gonna need strength when the alarm clock goes off later this morning! That time will come way too early!! For my fellow bloggers, you all better be posting some funny, grab your attention kind of stuff to help me wake up! :Just saying…:) As it is a lovely 2:30 am right now!
Hey I may not make it every day with a post, but today I am posting twice 🙂 I saw this comic on FB and had to post it due to the one sentence I wrote this morning in my post 🙂 I was maybe complaining a little at why Morning had to come so early!
So tell me which category do you fall into?
I will add that the times I have been awake enough in the morning early enough to look outside I have enjoyed some very pretty sunrises! BUT I prefer the sunsets 🙂
Why does morning come so early?? I could enjoy it if it was later 🙂 If you are dragging this morning, I hope these quotes help stir your soul and awaken you! Have a GREAT DAY!!! And I had to post this pic below as something to think about 🙂 Would you do this? I just happened to come across it and I thought How Cool, or COLD 🙂
1. Unfortunately that seems to be the truth a lot, lies tend to travel much faster!
2.”Success is not final, Failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue on that counts.” Winston Churchill
3. “Courage is what it takes to stand up and talk; Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” Winston Churchill
4..”A man is about as big as the things that make him angry!” Winston Churchill “yes, I do so agree with this! There is a lot of things that happen in life that can make you angry and times that you have a perfectly good reason to be angry! BUT there is also a lot of things that happen that people need to learn to just let roll of their backs and not waste the energy of being angry on.”
5.” Some people’s idea of free speech is that they are free to say anything they wish, but if someone says something back, that is an outrage.” Winston Churchill
6. “Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it!” Winston Churchill, “never thought of it that way.”
7.”An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.” Winston Churchill
8. “If you want to have the final say in an argument, just tell your opponent, “I suppose you are right. 🙂 ” Winston Churchill
9. I know, I know not exactly a thought provoking quote , but it made me laugh 🙂 I love witty comebacks and well I gotta say he had it. Does make you wonder what led up to this being said.
10. “Mountaintops inspire leaders, but valleys mature them.” Winston Churchill
Go inspire someone today just by being wonderful you! 🙂
Good Morning my Friends! Have read this poem before and today it came to mind again and I just had to share it, for it speaks my heart! I truly am thankful for all of you! Someday I would love to travel around the world meeting my online blogger friends,sharing a cup of coffee and chatting face to face! Until that day comes I will keep looking forward to sharing our hearts online and SMILE, knowing I am blessed by my Unseen friends. Have a Wonderful Monday!!!
Good Morning all! A friend of mine posted this on FB and I just had to share it on here for a certain blogger , you know who you are 🙂 And for the other dear bloggers who were commenting on my post yesterday. So I am doing a quick survey. Tell me, when the calendar says its Spring, but the weather is like Winter do you rebel against your hoodies and sweaters and pull out your neglected t shirts and flip flops? Or do you do the thing that makes sense and dress for Winter weather?
My parents are on the way home from Florida today, telling us to warm it up 🙂 Gonna be an adjustment to go from 80 degrees to 40 degrees! Make that 30’s now, its a Awesome 31 degrees this morning! Hey that’s better than single digits! See I can have a positive attitude about the weather 🙂
So to all of you having nice normal Spring Weather, can you please SEND it our way!!!!!!!!!! I bet Canada is even warmer right now! Is it Colin? CRAZY weather! This would be why a co-worker was singing, “Do you want to build a snowman” yesterday 🙂 You know the song from the very popular movie FROZEN. NO, I WANT to build a sandcastle!!!! But 40 degrees is a little too cold to be building sand castles. I will say that we don’t actually have snow in my back yard, but it is around us. My sister woke up to it covering her yard and she doesn’t live that far away. They are calling for it here today and tonight. If it does, open your windows, you will hear me shout! 🙂
Have a GREAT SATURDAY everyone!! Maybe I need to drag my snowman decorations back out. Haha!
Memories shared, brings laughter, warms heart!
Good Morning! It is raining here and calling for snow showers tonight, and yet my calendar does say April. The April showers fit, but not SNOW showers! Hope today you are showered with something different than rain, like blessings. May they pour down on you and may your happiness start by reading my post 🙂
I remembered a tale I had read and wanted to share it. It reminded me of the Aesop’s fables, for it has a moral to it that has stuck with me.
Once Upon a time, (isn’t that how they all start? :)) in a far off land there was a tiny village. There was only one road into town and on this one morning as some villagers were traveling down the road they noticed a HUGE tree in the middle of the road that had fallen on top of a boulder blocking their path. They paused,not sure what to do, and then just walked out around it and went on their way. For a week that is what people did. It looked like the tree and boulder would just stay in the middle of the road. That the villagers would rather travel out around it then go to the trouble of moving it.
One day someone new was traveling down the road and came across the tree. They pondered for awhile left and came back with some oxen. Hitched them up to try to move the tree and than the boulder. Even with the oxen pulling it was A LOT of sweaty, hard work and there was a a lot of mud under the tree, so this man was getting very muddy as well. Finally with one last heave ho the boulder was moved. The man’s back and arms were aching as he sat down to rest and he noticed a yellow pouch laying in the mud. He picked it up and looked inside and could NOT believe his eyes!! There was GOLD, lots of GOLD and a message with the King’s signature. “Congratulations to a lifetime of riches! For sometimes you have to get MESSY and endure struggle and pain in order to find the GOLD!”
See why I liked this tale 🙂 I wrote it from memory, so not all the details are exact, but the main point is there and fits so well with my gold nuggets 🙂 Getting muddy is NO FUN at times, BUT it can pay off! Continue your search for gold nuggets my friends, they are out there, just sometimes very hidden underneath all the muck and mire!