Let them eat CAKE!

When someone dies we hurt and when we go to the funeral to say good bye and celebrate their life, its hard. Last week  I learned something that can make funerals even harder. That is when you truly don’t  know the person. No, the funeral I went to was of my dear friend, who I have known since 2005. I knew her well, but her family did not. I came away from her funeral feeling a deep sadness and void for it was like her life hadn’t been honored.  There was nothing personal said about her at the funeral, no memories shared. The pictures displayed of her were from her childhood. As I said, her family didn’t know her, and to me that is a tragedy.  They missed out on knowing a great woman.

I don’t want to go into detail of why her family didn’t know her, the purpose of this blog isn’t to tell her whole life story. Suffice it to say she was kicked out of the house when she was 17 and after that her family would pop into her life when they wanted something. She always kept the door open for them, hoping that maybe the one time they would pop into her life would be a sincere time and that they would stay. Unfortunately that didn’t happen.

So now she has died and her family has no time left to get to know their daughter, their sister, their granddaughter. All her family has is faded photographs and old memories. They never made the effort to become part of her life. It  was a constant ache in her heart that she dealt with. From witnessing the heart ache they caused and seeing their uncaring ways, I struggled with bitterness. But amidst the bitterness I felt  deep sadness for them. They don’t have a second chance to make things right and to be the family that my friend needed.

So in my sadness my blessings have stood out to me.  Its been impressed on me all the more of how much I value my family and my friends, and how blessed I am to have them in my life. I know without a doubt that when my funeral comes, it will be a day of sharing treasured memories and laughter as stories are told. There will be old photographs along with the  new ones to show my life’s journey. My presence will be felt at the service as they sing some of my favorite songs,etc. Yes, it will be a day of sadness for those who have loved me, but they can at least be content in the fact that they REALLY KNEW me!

Now before this post gets too morbid, I will end with this thought. As I said, my service will be planned by my loved ones who really knew me and because of that, the meal afterwards will consist of mostly desserts! I will be looking down from above and saying, “OK,service is over, tears are done, Let them eat  Angel food CAKE! And brownies, peanut butter fudge, strawberry pie, and who knows how big the spread of desserts there will be! I am sure I will be enjoying my own spread of heavenly desserts!

13 thoughts on “Let them eat CAKE!

  1. This was an awesome post JR. You hit it right over the pitchers head. That is so sad for your friend, and especially for her family. She doesn’t have that pain of separation from her family anymore but they do. I am sure that how they treated her will be baggage they will carry for the rest of their lives.

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  2. Oh JR! I think this is your best post so far – heartfelt, heartwarming, thought-provoking, and a little humor for brevity. You rocked it! And you are fortunate to have your family. And friends!

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  3. A thought-provoking post. I loved it. You are right that we take our family members for granted because we don’t choose our family. It is sad because we are surrounded by wonderful people who are more than just a label (aunt, uncle, mom, brother). Thank you for sharing. I feel uplifted.

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  4. People move around so much nowadays, we don’t always know what is going on with family members who live in other states or countries, even if we get along with them okay. We talk on the phone, send e-mail, and visit occasionally, but we don’t know each other like families once did. And that is indeed sad.

    At least your friend’s family put in the time and effort to plan a funeral service for her.. Even if they did not know what to do, they tried. Better than just having a cremation and no funeral at all…

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  5. It is sad how spread apart families are today. With email and texting now a days tho it is easier to keep in touch then it was back when you just had a horse and buggy and knew that you probably would never get the chance to visit your family again if you moved away.
    You are right, I am glad they had a Memorial Service, some of her friends were worried that they may not. I guess I shouldn’t have said funeral for there was no viewing..Thanks for pointing out that thing to be thankful for.

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